As a young mother, one of the best pieces of advice I received was simply not to “freak out.” My wise mother gave me this tidbit after I called her in complete hysterics one day. I vividly remember her telling me to calm down. Between my crying and Seth’s screaming, she couldn’t hear anything I was saying. She was finally able to get me to settle down. Then, she told me one of the worst things that I can do in an emergency situation is to not handle it calmly. After the scene has been diffused, if I need a moment to “freak out,” I need to go somewhere private and let out my emotions.
The point is not to hide my emotions from my children. It is very important that they see emotional responses from me. But at the same time, when they see me respond or react in a certain way, their often will mirror my behavior.
When I hysterically called my mom, I was terrified that my new baby was severely hurt. He was only two weeks old. The oven timer had gone off. He was asleep in my arms. I gently laid him on the couch. I built a pillow tower around him. I moved the coffee table flush with the couch. I was only gone for a moment. I ran to the kitchen. I took dinner out of the oven. I heard a crash. I heard shrieks. I ran to my baby. Somehow, he had rolled over the pillow wall, over the coffee table, and onto the floor. I was scared.
After I calmed down and got Seth to stop screaming, my mom told me to gently start to move his little arms and legs around. I was watching to see how he moved, and how he responded to his appendages moving. He started laughing at me. Thankfully, he was okay. I learned that no matter how dire the situation, as a parent, I cannot freak out. I have to stay in-control.
As a mom of two boys, this advice is utilized frequently. There was the time Seth bit all the way through his lip and almost lost a tooth. Jude smashed his face into the fireplace and chipped a tooth. Seth almost amputated a toe. Jude fell off a bench and slammed his head into the concrete. No matter how much I want to burst into tears myself, I have to remain calm. I have to settle my children down. I have to assess the situation and find out how serious things are. I have to teach my children to remain calm in emergencies.
We are teaching Seth to ride a bike. He was doing really well. Clint was running with him as he zoomed down the path. Then, he went down hard. I saw the tears begin to pool in his eyes as he saw his skinned knee and squished finger. My mama instincts kicked in as I ran to his side. I had several options on how to handle the situation. I could start crying myself. I could coddle him. I could ignore him. I could teach him to calm down, pick himself up, and get back on his bike. I chose the latter.
I have him a huge hug. It is important that he knows I care. As he moved around to give me a hug, I was also able to tell that no bones were broken. I told him how proud I was of him. Then, Clint and I talked to him about calming down, picking himself up, getting back on his bike, and conquering the situation. At first, he did not want to pick himself up. But he did! He calmed down, got back on his bike, and rode for thirty more minutes.
What is self-control? As a mom, I often think of self-control as keeping your hands and feet to yourself. In the context of Galatians 5, self-control means restraining one’s emotions, impulses, or desires. Emotions are important. It is easy to let them “take control” of us though. Anger can be good, but it can quickly turn nasty. Being silly is good, but again, it can quickly turn into trouble. There are times to be happy and times to be sad. Being able to differentiate between fussy tears, genuine pain tears, and mourning tears is crucial for a parent.
Every day is a day to learn about staying calm, controlling emotions, and picking yourself up, no matter how dire, scary, or irritating the situation. It is never too early to begin teaching these important lessons to your children. It is easier to “freak out” and shut down. Training them to control their emotions is essential to their development and their future. When we do not teach self-control and how to manage emotions to our children, we are setting them up for failure. We are training them to not control their impulses and desires. We are preparing them to be ineffective and unproductive, not only in their day-to-day lives, but more importantly in their knowledge of truth and Jesus Christ.
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Peter 1:5-8 (NIV)
whatever is honorable 